One of the biggest mistakes separating parents make is allowing their feelings about each other to determine the children’s relationship with the other parent. You may be angry. You may feel betrayed. You may believe the other parent failed you in every way that mattered. But your children are not supposed to carry that hurt for you. Unless there is a genuine safety concern, separation should not mean separating children from a parent who loves them and wants to be present in their lives.
Don’t make children choose sides.
Don’t use parenting time as punishment.
Don’t interrogate them when they come home.
Don’t make them feel guilty for enjoying time with the other parent.
Don’t turn them into messengers, spies, or referees.
And don’t confuse being a bad partner with automatically being a bad parent.
Your former partner may no longer have a place in your life the way they once did—but they may still have an important place in your child’s life. Children should be free to love both parents without worrying that loving one is betraying the other. Sometimes healthy co-parenting requires you to separate two truths: “This person hurt me.” and “My child loves and needs this person.” Those truths can exist at the same time.
The relationship is over. The parenting relationship isn’t.
Protect your children from the breakup—not from a parent simply because you’re angry with them.
Your feelings belong to you. Your children’s relationship with their other parent belongs to them.
— Danni’s Den