Having His Baby Does Not Make You His Wife

Let’s talk about something that is going to make some people uncomfortable:

Having a baby with a man does not make you his wife. And child support is not spousal support.

The current child-support dispute involving Chris Brown and Diamond Brown is a perfect conversation starter.

Diamond Brown, the mother of Chris Brown’s four-year-old daughter, Lovely, is reportedly seeking approximately $45,000 per month in child support. According to recent reports about her court filings, her proposed budget includes approximately $15,000 per month for housing, along with substantial amounts for childcare, activities, clothing, gifts, education and other expenses.

Now, let me be very clear: their daughter is entitled to be financially supported by both of her parents.

And when one parent is extraordinarily wealthy, the child may absolutely be entitled to a standard of living that reflects that parent’s financial circumstances.

But here is where the conversation gets interesting: Where does supporting the child end and supporting the other parent begin?That distinction matters.

If you marry someone, marriage creates a legal relationship between you and your spouse. Depending on the law and circumstances, divorce can create claims involving spousal support and the distribution of marital property.

Having a child together creates a different legal relationship. You are parents. Your obligation is to your child.

Being someone's “baby mama” does not automatically give you the same financial rights as being that person's wife.

Of course, reality isn't as simple as saying, “Every dollar must be spent directly on the child.” A child needs a home. A child uses electricity. A child needs transportation. And particularly when dealing with an extremely wealthy parent, courts can consider the lifestyle and circumstances the child would have enjoyed had the parents lived together.

But there still has to be a distinction between maintaining an appropriate lifestyle for the child and financially maintaining the other parent simply because the parties share a child.

And that is why cases like this generate so much debate. The question shouldn't simply be: “Chris Brown is rich, so why shouldn't he pay?” Nor should it be: “Why does a four-year-old need that much money?”

The better question is: What amount reasonably allows this child to share in her wealthy father's standard of living without turning child support into disguised spousal support?

That's the conversation worth having. Because somewhere along the way, society started blurring three very different roles:

Girlfriend. Mother of his child. Wife.

They are not legally interchangeable.

Having a child with someone creates an enormous responsibility. In many ways, parenthood creates a connection far more permanent than marriage because you can divorce a spouse, but you never stop being your child's parent.

But permanence does not make the relationships legally identical.

A child is entitled to support from both parents. The other parent is not automatically entitled to be financially maintained as though the parties were married.

That's an important distinction—whether the wealthy parent is Chris Brown or someone earning $60,000 a year.

And maybe that's another reason we need to think much more seriously about who we choose to have children with.

Because having someone's baby can make you co-parents for life.

It doesn't make you husband and wife.

— Danni’s Den

This post is commentary for educational purposes and is not legal advice. Child-support and unmarried-partner laws vary by jurisdiction, and no court ruling on Diamond Brown's current support request is being suggested here.